As some of you may have noticed, I've been absent from Metanoia Living. No, I didn't grow tired of blogging or suddenly decide that it wasn't for me anymore- I just took some time off; a little break. Time to center my thoughts and get myself focused again.
The whole purpose of Metanoia Living is for me to share with you my journey of changing my mind, heart, self or way of life- which is what metanoia means. Pursuing my goal of self improvement. But the past few weeks, I felt as though I was stuck in a rut. For the lack of a better term, I was feeling blah!
How could I possibly write a Motivational Monday post, if I myself wasn't feeling motivated? What words of wisdom could I possibly share if I didn't believe in them? I lost motivation and interest for everything- school, nutrition, exercise, blogging... everything. Don't worry, I wasn't depressed. Far from it actually. Like I've mentioned before, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm normally a very optimistic person and rarely get down on myself, so it was out of the norm for me to feel this way.
I think a contributing factor was attending one of our friend's funeral a few weeks ago. Funerals always have a way of making me think about my life and what kind of legacy I'm leaving behind. If I were to die tomorrow, who would attend my funeral, what would be said about me, what would I be remembered for?
I know they're ridiculous questions, but you can't help but ponder about the answers.
So on top of being in that state of funk, I added the "does my life matter?" question to the equation- to make things worse (of course).
I let negative thoughts consume my mind. I was focusing on the wrong things and not giving myself the credit I deserved. Feeling unmotivated and wondering if your life has "meaning" is not a good combination. It's not healthy and it strips away from the validation that you are making a difference.
Luckily, yesterday I kind of just "snapped" and realized that it was silly and unnecessary for me to feel that way. Nothing productive or positive was going to come out of me being stuck in that state of mind.
So no more feeling BLAH!!
Time to get my life back on track and in order. Back to my daily routine, writing, and being my motivated self.
Little breaks (or maybe even mini break downs) can be a blessing in disguise. It could be a way for you to start over- to push the "reset button", and to reinforce the belief system in yourself.
So stay tuned- I'm back better than ever!